the perfect one.

Hey pretty darlings,
Have you ever dreamed of your perfect guy? Of your future boyfriend? Will he have green or brown eyes? Black or red hair? Tall? Short? His personlity? I have. I wonder, what he will be like. At least once a day I think about him...whoever that may be. You see, I never had a real official boyfriend. I never had a guy tell me they loved me, nor have I said it to anyone by my friends and family. I have never had my first kiss... or first anything for that matter. I've been given a couple of oppurtunities but I always end up screwing everything up. That's just me.
But it's embarassing to me. It's something I lie about constantly. Not one person except my cousin, sister, and mom know the truth about it. I told everyone it happened in 6th grade to save myself the embarassment. I mean, it's really pathetic to me. And everyone tells me "oh the right guy will come, be patient, BLAH BLAH BLAH." Shut up. No, seriously. -__-
I hate it when people tell me that, I am tired of being patient. I screw everything up and I think I'm going to die alone as a cat lady. It sometimes makes me cry just thinking about it... ;(
I sound like a loser, and in my opinion...I probably am. I have plently of friends socially wise, but personally I think I'm a loser. Point blank. I would never have the balls to do something daring or risky. Kiss a guy I just met, or kiss a guy in genral for that matter. I need a miralce in my life. I need my "Jacob or Edward" to come save me and show me there is more to this world then sitting in a jail cell full of ignorant peers for 8 hours, 5 days a week. Yeah, school is a jail cell.
It really depresses me to be honest. I never know who my real friends are. I probably mentioned that in every single post on this blog so far. I guess it can be a bit annoying.
I think I am going to make some pasta now, I'm hungry.

Until then my lovely and beautiful readers,
Lauren

Ps. Thinking of changing the blog name, I don't think "the brunette girl" really describes much about my blog. :P